im sorry

I am sorry for everything that i ever did.
I deserve to be left alone.
I tend to leave people in tears and not even know it.
All i do is hurt people and i do not wish to hurt you anymore.
your welcome to leave if you wish.
I will always remember what we had.
and hope for a better future with you in it.
but i cant force you to stay.
I hope we will talk once again.Lately however for me,
has been hell terrible memory's are flooding my mind.
I am emo. I love the color black.
Theres no turning back now.
A fake smile can not mask a heavy heart such as my own,
when the smile fades the grief remains.
Please don't think differantly bout me.
and i will never think different of yo no matter what.
If only i realized what you were before what happened.
then what happened would of never happened.
You were a angel sent to heal and make things better.

my cracked smile

My smile fades into the water
I splash my reflection as I stood
Just cant seem to get my mind right
Feelin frustrated and so down
Wantin to explode wth rage and anger
The things I do and the things I say
It dosent really matter
I cry and cry
I pound on my knees
I scream and yell
It dosent seem to be workin
I still keep standin on my own two feet
Just feelin so tired and weak
Everythin is happenin so fuckin fast
I cant seem to catch my breath
And everythin I think and feel
Just forget about it
You cant understand me even if you tried
I keep walkin and I start trippin'
Trin to hold on to somethin
I keep goin no ones stoppin me
I try to keep my head held high
I try to put a smile on my face
And I do try to control my emotions
No matter how hard I try
I always end up as a failure
I try to concentrate on other things
But I get distracted by my thoughts
I drop to my knees
Just thinkin,Im almost there
I take my hand and grab onto the ground
And continue my path
Feelin so dizzy and sick
Still tryin to keep my head held high
Lookin at the end of the trail
Its so bright and ecstatic
Still crawlin
A rush of emotions strikes me
I fall onto the gravel ground
A hint of darkness grabs me
My cracked smile of hope fades
And a spiteful look appears

~Happiness?~

One Night.

You meet me one late night,
we chat for awhile
after we says our goodbyes, we promise that we would keep in contact.
you promise that you would call in a few days.
the days passed by and you never called
In a week I see you again and you are with another boy.
trying not to bust into tears right there
i run home and there i do not cry at all
but i am filled with grief.
I gave you my trust and everything i can give you and you destroyed it like i was a piece of trash on the ground.
I gave up hope because of you. I gave up everything. I was stupid to trust someone like you. you sweet-talked me into thinking that you were the one. but you weren't the one, but you were the one to lie to me and promise many things that you later broke. because of these lies, you torn me apart from the inside piece by piece you scarped your dirty claws inside of me. you figured out how to get in me without me telling you how to. I thought many things that i later found out that i was wrong to think them. You started off with tiny scratch's then moved to big gash's. I regret everything that i ever said to you, I regret ever meeting you. The last thing to go was my heart. piece by piece you tore that up. my heart is now being held up by duct-tape, because of you. One night turned into a ocean of lies, Lies turned into knifes, and knifes turned into murder's.

Love is Pain

why is it that people look for love? Everytime we find it yea maybe we feel a little "magic" we feel alive, but when time goes on, love hurts a lot, and it turns more bad than good.
Is it that we all look for pain? i do not hate love, but i hate who stupid you turn when we fall in love, you let the other person hurt you just because you love them...

your killing me

Standing there alone
watching you go,
I want to cry but I cant

you dont hear what i am whispering
what i am whispering is
all the promises you made.
Their all broken now.

You turn around
you walk towards me
you hug me

Still i do not cry,
but inside I am createing oceans

Unfallen tears count the most.

your killing me
why can't you see?
my love for you is strong
where did i go wrong?
you went away
i wanted you to stay
no more smiles
no more hugs
i am empty
please don't tempt me
i miss you
why are we through?

i never wanted anything
only your love is what i seek
when you left
my tears started to leek

i miss the fun
you are my sun
you shine like the stars
I'll meet you in mars

your a calming waterfall
and without you i feel small
you wipe away my tears
you bring me new fears

it's time to rest my tired eyes
and hope tonight i don't die
my heart is broken
i am in pain
i am slain

the darkened sky
it is my heart
you are bitter with all your lies
you don't care
my heart has another tare

The World Can Never Love

The world can never love.
While hate still lives.
There must be no pain.
Only healing to give.

The way to love is hard.
Full of hardships and price.
But it will come to its worth.
There will be hope to the nice.

No envy and anger.
No war that will never cease.
But kindness and care.
And life and peace.

This it what is hoped.
By the ones who want the hate to end.
But saying this is not the answer.
You must do what you can and never bend.

Perfect for you

Every days
I thing
you feel my absence
like i feel yours?

i may not be perfect for you
but i love you so much
what i most want is have you here
to say softly
only you
i will be yours forever

i tell you
what i feel for you
makes me feel free
my sweet love
my own life
my immortal heart

i may not be perfect for you
but i love you so much
what i most want is have you here
to say softly
only you
i will be yours forever

your strong power of love
makes me fly
may not be enough
but it is pure and true
and will be forever
and will be forever
will be i know

i may not be perfect for you
but i love you so much
what i most want is have you here
my sweet love
my own life
my immortal heart
to say you softly
only you
make me fly
and i will be yours forever

i wan to die

Ive battled with depression ever since I was a kid and its taken its toll on almost every part of my life. Ive also lost several of my really good friends and others Ive loved. Im not going to let it put me down though Im going to fight it with every single breath in me. I have one life to live, and I pray that I'll be happy about all that God has blessed me with.

i hate u..

11 jan.. kejaaaaaaa!! :DDD

besh.. ya jak ku mok pdh.. XD

lelah mok type.. :P

Ive had really hard times before,

And even now,

My heart is still hurting,

really, really painful things.

When i lose an important thing,

the pain still remains, and still hurts.

But, im still looking for her.

The one who likes me as i am.

The person only for me.

And i found her.

But finding her was the beginning of something more painful.

Even if i could do something, it was painful to be close together.

Seeing that person in pain, is painful.

Therefore i hid from that person.

I disappeared because i love that person.

But still, not seeing that person is even more painful.

Not being able to see that person again is much, much more painful.

I left her, because i love her.

Im leaving her because its for own happiness.

Its hard to fake smile,

harder to pretend its alright!

Should i end this..

End this life..

It mean nothing...

Nothing....